


Towards Destiny

by Kathysweet



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Soul mate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-01 04:10:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2759126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kathysweet/pseuds/Kathysweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their love wasn't suppose to work. I shouldn't feel the need to touch his skin, to want to wrap my arms around his perfect form, but I can't stop myself. I'm so sorry mother, but i'm a sinner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first SouRin fic, and of course, it is an angsty one since I was heavily influenced by the song Take Me To Church by Hozier (though mostly that one lyric that is below) . It was actually just going to be a big one-shot, but I decided to split it (so most likely it will be 2-3 chapters). I haven't written in a long time because of school, so if there are any mistakes please tell me, especially since this my first time writing in first person (I prefer third person). Also it's a bit of a Dystopian au, but wasn't sure if I should tag it as one.

* * *

 

_There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin_

* * *

 

 

I can still remember the first time I learned that having a soul mate that was of the same sex was considered a sign of sin. It meant a life of hatred for past mistakes, which were so horrendous that—as we were reborn—it left a mark of being condemned as an exile.

I was eight or nine, playing a game of hide and seek with the neighbor--and just as I was about to take my victory of finding him behind a bush in my backyard—a horribly loud  scream made the both of us jump in shock. We both froze, starring at each other as if that would answer our confusion.

It wasn’t until another pleading voice reached my ears that I realized I recognized that voice; it was my mother’s sobbing that made me run to the front of the house. Kisumi, the neighbor I had been playing with, trailed behind me as we both curiously went to find out what was causing all the commotion.

I remember stopping in my tracks, Kisumi almost crashing into me from how abrupt I had stopped, and my eyes fixated on my mother who had been on her knees and grabbing helplessly onto my brothers tattered jeans.

He was limp, and the glimpse of skin from his ripped shirt showed signs of large ugly bruises marring his usual pale skin.  The two men in full armor on either side of him were barely lifting his upper body from the ground, not even caring when one of them lost his grip and the other kept dragging him along. My mother’s screams and sobs seemed to rip through any other noise, leaving me rooted to the ground where I was standing, as my eyes went back and forth from my mother being held back by my father and the men hauling my brother into a black van.

I didn’t understand what was happening, but as I watched the men get inside the van and turning it on—the engine reviving to life so loudly it drowned the pleas and screams of forgiveness my mother was making—I felt scared. No longer able to stare at my mother, I just watched the van become smaller and smaller as it left us behind.

I can’t recall how long I stood there, but I was brought out of whatever stupor I was in by the urging voice of Kisumi’s mother as she dragged him away from us as well. I remember the look of worry Kisumi was giving me, but I could care less as I once again laid my eyes back to that of my mother’s.

Her eyes met mine, face stained with dirt and what looked like blood coupled with her tears still freely streaming down her cheeks all the way to her jaw, until they finally fell on either the ground or the arm of my father. But the look on her broken face seemed to crack even further as she stared at me.

Breaking away from my father’s embrace, she wobbly stood to her feet. Like a toddler just learning how to walk, she stumbled her way to me, only to drop back down to her knees and wrapped her arms around me.  She smelled of dirt and a faint hint of a floral perfume, and I wondered why she felt the need to hold me. It wasn’t until she murmured that _everything would be okay_ , I realized that I was sobbing.

The last thing I could remember of that day, was the blurry image of my father still standing at the area where they had dragged my brother, and the way he seemed stiff. That was also the day I lost my father.

* * *

 

The day after, my mother had sat me down—and not once looking at me—she explained what my brother had done wrong. His wrist had been marked with the name of sin and he had fallen into it. He had embraced it and for that he had to be _fixed_. She begged me, that if I were to be marked in the same way, to resist. To repent and find help, that if I did I would be forgiven for my past and would be reborn to a better life. But most importantly so that she didn’t have to lose me as well.

I still didn’t understand, but I had promised. Anything to stop her crying and bring back the mother who use to sing happily as she did the dishes. The mother who laughed when I got pouty, or whenever I told her all the sort dumb things me and Kisumi did. I wanted my mother back.

It took me two months until I finally understood what exactly my mother had been talking about. At school they began to teach us of soul mates, and the wonders of the day we all turned eighteen and found the name of the person who we would love until the day we died.  I paid little attention to it all, not understanding the appeal of it. That of course changed when they began to talk about sinners.

Sinners were the ones that had committed some wrongdoings in the past, and because of that they were marked with the name of another sinner. They were of the same sex because that was their punishment. They were not allowed to have the joys of reproducing and their love was not considered real.

And finally I understood what my brother was, just like the rest of my class room realized what he was as well. I was the brother of a sinner.

Of course my teacher had reassured us, that even a sinner could redeem himself. I recall how she, just like my mother, did not look at me as she began to explain to all of us how a sinner could be reborn and how to resist being one.

* * *

 

As the brother and mother of a sinner, we were looked differently. Most of my classmates ignored me after the incident, the exception being Kisumi who—even with his mother opposition—still spent his time with me.

The only reason I didn’t get bullied was because of my height. I was the second tallest in my class, but I was the only one who looked frightening enough that no one found it worth the risk to try anything.

I knew that this reputation would follow us until I myself turned eighteen, but if I was also a sinner it would mark my mother as one as well. The breeder of sinners.

The day before my eighteenth birthday, we were both restless and did our best entertain ourselves so that we didn’t kill ourselves from overthinking. Yet, as we watched another movie full of comedy, I could hardly pay attention. I watched her from where I sat, noticing that—although she never fully recovered—she no longer looked like an empty shell that lived only for my purpose. She had begun to regain a healthier look, no longer appearing like a skeleton with skin and so pale that one could see the color of her veins.

She still looked tired, but that had more to do with the fact that she worked double since my father left, than to do with what had happen. Maybe it was because she had started going to the rehabilitation were my brother was held at, and I hoped that meant it was because he was doing well. Still, I wasn’t really sure if that was the case. I remember the first few months she would come back from visiting him, and how she would lock herself in her room until the next day when she forced herself to get ready for work.

I didn’t know what I would do if I were to be sinner as well. I wasn’t afraid because of what would happen to me, but afraid that she would break.

The day of my eighteenth birthday, I awoke to the feeling of wetness on my right wrist and to find my mother gripping my arm tightly. Fear gripped my heart as I saw her weep.

“Mo--“I began, but she looked up at me with a smile in her face.

“Sousuke” she said, repeating my name with a voice full of joy. She finally let go of my arm so I could look the name.

_RIN_

The bold writing of the name was set in the middle of my wrist and I repeated the name in my head, telling myself that everything was going to be fine. It was a girl’s name. I wasn’t a sinner.

So why didn’t I feel relieved?

Even though I did my best to hold “her” name in my mind as a reassurance, the only thing that kept replaying was the words my teacher had said back when we were all barely learning about soul mates.

_‘Sinners don’t always realize they are sinners. Although rare, sometimes names aren’t what they seem. This of course is just another punishment for the sinner. A test.’_


	2. Chapter 2

After my eighteenth birthday I joined the swim team in the University both me and Kisumi got into.

I had started swimming when I was five, my brother being the main reason for that part. He loved swimming, and spent most summers at the beach or public pool doing just that. I remember how he would tell us about how he would become the greatest and fastest swimmer in japan, and my mother would just laugh at the excited look he got when he professed it.

He began to teach me when he was eleven, and he had called me a natural since I was able to doggy paddle in my first try—right after he had given me a demonstration. I felt proud.

Much like my brother, I found myself having the same goal as I began to swim in order to keep myself distracted. It helped to quell the uncertainty I felt whenever I stared at the name in my wrist. And it wasn’t like I could say anything to my mother; she had regained some glow in her since that day and I didn’t want that to go away.

So swimming was a helpful substitution that kept me at bay, at least it did for the first two years in University.

* * *

 

My mother’s persistent need for me to find Rin was becoming more and more aggravating. I knew she just wanted to meet her “future daughter-in-law”, but it didn’t help the nagging feeling I got whenever I saw or heard the name Rin.

It was getting to the point that I had started to hide the name on my wrist with either long sleeves or sweaters, sometimes even a watch or bracelet. But her constant mention of Rin’s name whenever I went to visit, only made it worse.

After every visit, I found myself repeatedly going back to my dorm with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I just wanted it to stop. Whatever this feeling I got was, I just wanted it to go away. But I knew that the only way I could get rid of it was if I finally met Rin, and that scared me more than anything.

Instead of dwelling in my anxiety, I decided to go swim.  Technically, I wasn’t supposed to be using the pool after practice hours, but it was always left open and most students still went.

While I was getting my duffle bag ready, Kisumi—who was now my roommate—returned.

“How was your visit,” he asked me as he sat down on my bed.

“…Good,” it was all I could say in return, not once looking at him as I packed my towel. But I knew that my voice sounded stiff, and I knew that the sigh Kisumi made right after indicated he knew it was anything but fine.

“Sousuke, are you sure your—“

“I’m going to go swimming. Want to join?” I interrupted. It wasn’t often that I asked him to join me and I’m sure he knew why I did. Kisumi, although often annoying and overly touchy, was perceptive to a fault. And since he was my best friend—as annoying as that was to admit—he knew me far too well to not notice my urgency in avoiding anything Rin related.

The pink haired fool contemplated my invitation for a while, before looking at me with that sheepish expression he got whenever he had plans—and forgot— with his soul mate. Scoffing in amusement, I waved a goodbye and made my way to the indoor pool. I was happy for him. Really.

* * *

 

My right shoulder started to hurt by the third lap. It was happening more often now, and what had started as a dull pain, was becoming more intense. 

I heaved myself up and out of the pool with some difficulty, but was able to manage—grinding my teeth at the sharp shooting pain I got as I placed unwanted weight on my right arm. I sat on the edge of the pool, catching my breath and gently rotating my right shoulder. The radiating heat that my shoulder was giving off told me how swollen it was going to get, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to show up to practice tomorrow. It would be too bruised and sore for me to even lift, let alone try to swim with it.

I was pushing myself, I knew that. But I didn’t know what else I could do. Swimming was not only my dream, but it was also my escape haven.

It was idiotic to think that these late night swimming session wouldn’t damage me, especially since I had thrown caution to the wind and had let myself swim recklessly, but it was the only thing helping me to sleep at night.

After a few laps—where I would swim as hard as I could—I would end up exhausted and by the time I made it back to my dorm, I was already half asleep. Without it, I probably would have been awake all through the night with my thoughts of who Rin was. Of when I would meet them, and if they would be what I expected them to be or if they would be like what my mother expected them to be. And how much I hoped they were like the latter.

I hated how much this affected me. I hated the name on my wrist. I just hated everything.

Screwing my eyes close and clenching my fist, I tried my best to calm down, but I could feel my emotions bubbling out of control. I wanted to scream and hit something; anything.  I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure who I even was anymore. This whole soul mate thing was a mess.

I hated it.

“Um, excuse me. Are you feeling okay? Do you need help?” a soft-spoken voice broke me out of my thoughts and I tensed up. I had almost forgotten I was still in the pool, and that those who were not from the swim team occasionally came to swim for fun or for whatever reason.

Looking up, I was met with worried light blue eyes. The boy in front of me had silver looking hair that was cut in that sort of dorky bowl type style, but somehow fit him fairly well.  He kept distance from me, watching me with apprehension, but still worried enough to see if I was fine. Under my scrutiny he nervously took one more step back, but kept watching me.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, as if he thought that whatever he was about to say would offend me or perhaps annoy me. In all honesty, if I hadn’t been so exhausted it probably would have, but it was sort of funny to see him squirm. 

I finally decided to pity the poor kid and tried to reassuringly smile while nodding that I was okay. But even as I did so, I could feel the awkwardness of it.  My lips twitched as I tried to make them form into a half-assed smile, while I nodded so stiffly that I was sure I heard my neck crack.

I knew that he didn’t believe me from the way he bit his lip and fidgeted around a bit more.

“If you want, I c-could um call my sempai. He’s just in the lockers,” the boy said nervously, as he looked at the direction of the lockers. Half of his body was already facing that way as well, only looking back at me for confirmation.

Not wanting anyone else to see me in such a pathetic way—I was already regretting coming down to the pool and showing such a disgusting display—I quickly lifted myself from where I sat and told him that I was fine once more. The boy didn’t look convince—it didn’t help that I was slightly unsteady on my feet from exhaustion—and frowned.

I should have walked away, even at that state, since what happened next was the worst imaginable thing.

“Oi! Ai how long does it tak—oh um is everything okay?” said the skeptical red-head that walked out from the locker room. Red eyes landing on me before going back to the other male. His eyebrows drew closer together the longer we stayed quiet.

Unlike the slightly cowardly boy in front of me, the other was confident; eyes meeting me without the usual intimidation I am use to seeing in those who are shorter than me—although this guy wasn’t that short to begin with—and walking straight up to me. As he made his way to the silver haired boy, he made sure to get in between me and the other.

With eyes still locked onto me, he stood with both hands on his hip and raised an eyebrow as he questioned me with: “can I help you with something?”

His voice was low and held some sort of menacing tone in it, which caused the other boy behind him to squeak out a “sempai!” Amused, I couldn’t help the snort that left my throat. The guy obviously believed I was bullying the boy called “Ai”, and instead of looking for help, he intervened.

“What the hell is so funny!?” he practically growled, making me give out another snort. The guy was truly amusing, it also didn’t help that the boy behind him started to scramble around as he grabbed onto his sempai’s arm.

“R-Rin sempai! Please. It’s not what you think.”

At the name I quickly stiffened, any trace of amusement disappearing just as fast, and shock took its place.

_No_ , I thought to myself, looking at the red-head who was now questioning his friend.

_This isn’t happening. I must have heard wrong._

I reassuringly repeated that thought in my head, now looking at the ground as if wanting to erase them both from my line of vision. I could feel myself shaking and I put the pad of my hand on my forehead, squeezing my eyes as I tried to shut everything off.

“Hey,” a low shushed voice said, too close for my comfort.

“Are you okay?”

I didn’t respond, just stepped back from the other. But the red-head was resolute in helping me, as he stepped forward and lifted his arm. Unable to stop myself from flinching, I slapped his hand—a bit too hard—away, and told him in a clipped voice not to touch me.

I didn’t dare look at the shocked faces the other two were surely giving me, instead I turned around swiftly and picked up my stuff before heading to the lockers.

I needed to get away from there. Erase this whole meeting from my memory.

Once I made it to my locker, I quickly dressed—not bothering to dry my still wet face and body—and left in a sprint to my dorm.

_That wasn’t my ‘Rin’_ , I told myself. It just couldn’t be.

I wasn’t a sinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those who read this and to the ones that commented as well. Not really sure if this fic will end in the next chapter since it feels like it's getting longer as I keep writing, but do look forward to more sourin interaction in the next chapter :).


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